Bambi in Joisey

As we've mentioned, this area is beautiful and heavily wooded. The other day, Garrett and I passed deer on the side of the road. It made us wonder what Disney would have done with Bambi in Joisey. We think it would go something like this:






It's winter. Two forest creatures approach a crying fawn. Background music is Bruce Springsteen's Born to Run.

Forest Creature 1: Yo, Bambi. Quit your cryin'. So, your mother had a hit out on her and she got taken out. You think you're special or somethin'?

Forest Creature 2: (whispers) Yeah...yeah...he is special. He's connected. His dad is the Prince of the Forest, you know, the Godfather.

FC1: Ohhhh, you shoulda piped up. We didn't know you were a made guy. We can help. We know a guy.

FC2: Yeah...yeah... we know a guy.

FC1: His name is Thumper. He's got kinda big ears, but don't say nothin' 'cuz he's got an anger management issue and he's a powerful guy. And don't say nothin' 'bout his sidekick neither. Flower...he may be stinky but he's real good with the ladies.

FC2: Yeah...yeah... ladies.

FC1: You got a lady, Bambino?

FC2: Yeah... I hear he got titterpated by that Faline. She's a really pretty doe. Hopefully, she don't cost much dough, if you know what I mean.

Bambi: Back off. Youse guys are talking about the future mother of my fawns.

FC1: Yo, Bambi. Don't get angry. He didn't mean nothin' by it. Fuggedaboutit.

Their conversation is interrupted by a late model Cadillac whizzing by. The windows roll down to reveal a glimpse of a bright orange vest, a camoflauged hat, and a silenced hunting rifle.