You know you're in eastern Oklahoma when...

...strangers wave at you.

...you can pass cars on your bicycle.

...the "s" in Illinois River is not silent.

...billboards portray Jesus as a Caucasian man with blue or green eyes.

...you can dine out for less than $25--with tip!

...a haircut and blow dry costs $10.

...automobiles are spray painted with designs such as orange and primer camouflage or neon crosses.

... your allergies make you wish you were dead.

...you find an arrowhead in your backyard.

...the view of the lake takes your breath away.

...people say "howdy" and mean it.

Namaste

I haven't exercised since February of 2008.

Seriously.

The last time I attempted to exercise was a yoga class. The next day I ended up in the emergency room and the doctors told me to stop exercising--and pretty much everything else--to preserve my pregnancy.

So I did.

I followed the doctors' advice so well that Max is almost 9 months old, and I still hadn't exercised...until last night.

I arrived early and freaked out a bit. Svelte bodies in fashionable yoga attire stretched, chatted, and basically looked fit.The instructor said, "Tonight is hard."

"Okay."

She eyed me. "I have a beginner's class on Thursday."

Panic crept into my sleep deprived mommy-body. Did I look that out of shape? "Do I need to come back then?"

"Have you done yoga before?"

Let's just say she was right. About the hard part. Super-instructor Libby was not being mean. It was the most difficult class I've ever attended. And it would have been even if I'd not been out of practice. A few times I was comforted with the knowledge that Libby is a nurse during the day.

Do you know what pregnancy and no exercise do to your core muscles and balance? I do. And I don't like it. Of the three positions that required me to stand on my hands or head, I succeeded with one. I tried another but fell. I didn't even attempt the third. Legs and arms were everywhere.

Oh, but I will return. The instructor and class are amazing. Maybe one day I can look svelte in a cute little yoga outfit.

I can dream, can't I?

Play date

Max and I met up with some friends and 10 new babies.

Beforehand, I was concerned about Max's first big play date. How would he interact with the other children? Would he be a bully? Would he be a wimp? Would he share? Would he be an outsider?

Upon arrival, I set him down and he plowed past adult legs and baby accouterments to arrive on a play mat covered in toys. Sitting on the mat was Libby, an adorable little girl just a couple of weeks older than Max. Eying each other, they played side by side for a while. Thank goodness she has an older brother, though. Because when things got physical she knew how to take care of herself. Max is new at kissing and likes to try to kiss the top of our heads. (He also likes to pull hair, but none of the older children had enough to endanger them and the teeny-tinies were usually protected by carriers or mother's arms.) He tried kissing her, and climbed over her to get to her head. He left slobber all over her and made her cry.

Actually, he left slobber a lot of places. I think he's teething again. I hope he wasn't trying to use her cute little head as a teething biscuit.

Nonetheless, he tried making up to her later. Extending his dimpled arm, he offered her a ball. She looked at it and crawled away. He stared after her. I swear he shrugged before looking at the ball and cramming it in his mouth with his pudgy hand. I was happy to see that he took rejection in stride.

Allison, the oldest little girl was our hostess. Toddling around in her pink dress, she greeted everyone and offered her toys. I was handed a puzzle piece of the soft mat, which I don't think I'm smart enough to piece together. She looked genuinely happy to have so many children playing with her things. Of course, the most gleeful expression I saw was when one of the cats appeared and she tore off after it. Those cats knew just how to move to avoid her...and later to avoid Max who found patting their noses a new favorite pasttime.

Babies abounded. Two sets of twins arrived. Each set was a boy and a girl. Two baby singlets were there, too. Max was enthralled. All the babies were dressed so cute. Max definitely has a thing for shoes, which is strange since I can't even seem to keep a pair of socks on the kid. At least two times I caught him nibbling on baby shoes. Luckily, the babies were too young to fear for their toes. A few times I caught him peering into the face of a sleeping baby. His face was close enough to kiss them...but he didn't. Whew! One of the times, little Haley wasn't sleeping, but she didn't seem to mind. She just stared right back at him.

One of the teeny-tinies began to cry. (Max had nothing to do with it.) A chorus of babies joined that single cry. At this point, Max had crawled under the high chair like he does at home. When they cried, he looked up at me and blinked. He looked confused like he wasn't sure if he should join or not. However, the high chair distracted him so tears were avoided.

At another point, all the babies needed changing at the same time--except one. Avery's mom teased that she only changes her diaper once a day. I need to learn that trick. Avery is a few months older than Max. He was enamoured with her. They took off crawling after each other. I was concerned that he was too aggressive, but like Libby, Avery knew how to take care of herself. Max likes the spunky girls.

I look forward to another playdate. Hopefully, some of our other friends will be able to join us. Since Toral is moving her twins all the way to Florida, it might be a while before we get to see them. But I'm hopeful.

After all, we know miracles happen.

Say it Ain't So

Jon and Kate Gosselin,

I don't know why I care about your marriage so much. Is it because I watched your show in anticipation as my due date loomed? Is it because I watched taped segments as I pumped milk in the wee hours of the night after feeding my little one? Is it because I understand the desire that drove you to fertility treatments? Is it because I can be an overtalkative so-and-so and my husband was once a happy computer nerd?

I dont' know why I feel so invested.

But I do.

And by letting me inside your life, you allowed me to be this way.

The most important people you owe your marriage to is, of course, your children. But you also owe it to me and the gajillions of others like me who watch the show.

Everyone experiences adversity in life. You guys did and capitalized on it in the most American way possible--with a reality tv show of your family. I applaud your ingenuity.

And I've applauded your triumphs along the way. Because you seemed normal. You seemed like ordinary people in extraordinary circumstances, which is what we all are at times in our lives.

But what now? You're not normal anymore. This tabloid brouhaha is pure Hollywood. Sure, most tabloid regulars are regular people placed in extraordinary circumstances, too, but you're different. With stars, they act or sing or dance or something. You guys simply let us watch you live. You allow us that little thrill one achieves from reading someone's diary or email. You're like us.

Aren't you?

For the sake of your children and the love that has been evident in certain episodes, please work it out. Also, continue to provide viewers a model of how couples can make it through parenthood--and crises--in love.

4 generations

Here is a picture of four generations. Max, me, my dad, and his mom on Mother's Day.

Max proved what a helpful member of the family he is. When Grandma opened her card, Max aided her by opening her gift bag.
Here's Grandma waiting to see what she received from her son and daughter-in-law.

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to all of you fabulous women out there. I have a better understanding of the true meaning of this holiday.

My day began with Max waking me up at twenty minutes past midnight to wish me a Happy Mother's Day. He was so excited that he cried for me again just as my head hit the pillow around 12:40. He was so darned enthusiastic about getting the day started that he woke me up again at 4:00 and never let me go back to bed. Of course, I could have shared his enthusiasm if I'd not gone to bed myself shortly before midnight. Poor planning on my part, right?

The rest of the day was lovely. I started the day by feeding Max cereal. As I grew sentimental and thanked Max for helping make me a mommy for this holiday, he grinned. Then, he responded by spitting his food all over me. That activity is his favorite right now, and he must have wanted to share it with me.

Later, my dad marinated sirloin, and Garrett skewered vegetables that were so beautiful they could have been a flower arrangement. We didn't need any more flora, though, because bouquets from my birthday still fill the house with color and sweetness. My mother and grandmother were here and Max offered entertainment. We wish Mary, G's mom, could have been here, too. I could tell he missed her.

I ended the day by reading to Max. He was so excited about his book that he bounced. He bounced so hard, in fact, that he slammed his head right into my mouth. My tooth sliced my lip and I bled. Max turned to me and grinned.

And you know what? That made it all worth it.

So, let me get this straight: Motherhood is tears and giggles, blood and flowers, spit and cuddles, exhaustion and contentment. Yeah, I'm glad Max made me part of the club.

Don't call child services.

I understand I have a little boy.

However, how bad is it going to get?

Just this week he has fallen on a bookshelf (I think he was trying to climb it) and bruised the side of his face. It looks awful. I felt horrible as I held him and he howled. (He trills his tongue as he cries. When he first started the trilling, we thought it was his fake cry. Oh no. It's real.)

Today, he was crawling along and then... BAM! He face planted right on our tile floor. The crying started. The trilling joined in. He reached a crescendo and tears flowed. Garrett held him this time while I tried to kiss his face and make it better. That's when I noticed the blood.

That's right. His nose was bleeding! I don't know if my nose has ever bled, yet my 8 month old had a bloody nose.

Max isn't even walking yet. What on earth will I do when he can run?

Is my son a vampire?

When I returned last weekend, Max had two teeth. When I left on Friday he had the beginnings of one. Over the weekend both bottom teeth sprouted.

And they can do damage.

We were in his playroom last night, and he crawled over to me. I love it when he does this because he either plows right into me or he stands up and hugs me. This time it was to hug me. I nuzzled him and he moved to nuzzle back--his face in my neck.

Then, he bit me.

How can one cause so much pain with only two bottom teeth?

I'm not sure, but I think he may be a vampire.

Home from OWFI

This year, the Oklahoma Writers' Federation, Inc. conference was held in Norman, OK. Marcia Preston was president for 2008-2009. She and the other board members did an outstanding job. Not only was the hotel beautiful, but also the sessions were good. I enjoyed meeting new friends and seeing those that I haven't seen for a year. I was thrilled that Amy Shojai was honored as a Lifetime Member.

The Inklings, my writing group, has a great time at this conference. As I've mentioned before, we shake the jingle bells in our hallelujah basket when a friend wins and whip out a tiara each time one of our names is announced. Let's just say we wore the tiaras a lot. It's always fun to take home a certificate. It's even more fun taking home a check. And when your friends do, too, well, that's a party.

This year was the first time I had the opportunity to join the autograph party on Saturday afternoon. Sonia Gensler organized it so well. As always, Best of Books did a great job having the books available. Thanks to all of those who purchased Glamour. I hope you like it!