Itsy bitsy spider and its evil twin

The other night I nestled into a chair with my favorite blanket. My muscles loosened from a long day. Relaxation was about to be realized.

Then I felt something strange.

It was a tickling sensation in my chest. Was I feeling guilty? Was this my body's way of telling me something?

No.

The tickling sensation moved and I realized it was not in my chest, but on my chest.

Strange, I thought. It feels just like a spider might feel.

I peeked down my shirt and saw that, yes, a spider was indeed creeping across my skin.

Crawling under my shirt.

Crawling under my bra.

One spindly leg at a time.

I leapt off the chair. A crack-whore couldn't have removed her blouse and bra faster. All the while I was wiggling and chanting. "There's a spider on me! There's a spider on me! There's a spider on me!" Silence broke my rant for only a moment while I held my breath to prevent the creepy-crawly from going into my mouth.

I couldn't find the spider in my clothes or on the floor, so I decided it must be in my hair. The chanting and dancing continued. It was like a National Geographic special right in my living room.

Garrett laughed really hard until I curled up in a ball and cried. Then he killed the spider after I found it crawling on the rug.

The other night I'd drowned an identical spider in the bathtub. Garrett walked in while I was chanting "Diediediediediedie."

I think that spider either returned up the water spout or its evil twin got even.